Heal the Past as Guidance for the Future

Why Can't I Let Go Of The Past?  YES you Can!

Some classic reasons we have difficulty letting go of the past include emotional attachment, nostalgia, deviation from a plan, embarrassment, or perhaps not knowing how.  We carry energy in our cells, and releasing something from our past may be both a mental release and an emotional and physical one. There is work to process our layers; sometimes, doing that work can also be overwhelming and time-consuming, and we don't understand the layers. As humans, it's normal to simplify the release process.  You may have been encouraged to write it on paper and burn it during the Full Moon, cut cords of the past, and poof, it's gone. But there is more to the process, which is often why many wonder why they feel they can't release.  Why lingering thoughts and emotions continue to leave us feeling overwhelmed or stuck – and in some cases unsuccessful.  
We have to be ready to release; often, that may take a few iterations of attempts. We need to heal, so thinking we can erase something part of our cellular structure requires healing those cells or creating new cells and new memories.  Emotions tether you to the past and intense emotional experiences create memories that are just as strong. Every time that specific memory is triggered, you can experience the same emotions you felt when that incident happened. These feelings, in turn, keep the memory fresh. It's a vicious cycle.   Each event also creates an energetic thread to our bodies – if we have a strong emotional response, we have a thread that attaches to our emotional body; if we have a solid mental reaction, we have a thread that attaches to our mental body. 

There are times when we may not know the origin of our emotional injuries – it could be a past life, a suppressed or hidden event that we may never uncover the root cause of. And that's okay. It's part of our journey, and accepting this uncertainty is a step towards healing.  It's learning about the past in preparation for a different future. 
Laurie shares 12+ practices and helpful tips for healing, living in the present, and preparing for a new version of your story. 

Transcript

Why Can’t I Let Go Of The Past?

Before we start to answer the question of how to moving on from the past, it’s important to understand the root cause of the problem. Some classic reasons we have difficulty in letting go of the past include emotional attachment, nostalgia of the past, deviation from a plan, embarrassment, or perhaps not knowing how.  We carry energy in our cells and releasing something from our past may not only be a mental release but also emotional and physical. There is work to be done to process our layers, and sometimes doing that work can also be overwhelming, time consuming and we don’t understand the layers. As humans it’s normal to simplify the release process.  You may have been encouraged to write it on a piece of paper and burn it during the Full Moon, cut cords of the past and poof, it’s gone. But there is more to the process, which is often why many wonder why they feel they aren’t able to release.  Why lingering thoughts and emotions continue to leaving us feeling overwhelmed or stuck – and in some case unsuccessful.   

We have to be ready to release and often that may take a few iterations of attempts to release. We need to heal, so thinking we can erase something that is part of our cellular structure requires healing of those cells, or the creation of new cells and new memories.  Emotions tether you to the past and intense emotional experiences create memories that are just as strong. Every time that that specific memory is triggered, you can experience the same emotions that you felt when that incident actually happened. These feelings in turn keep the memory fresh. It’s a vicious cycle.   Each event also creates an energetic thread to bodies – if we had a strong emotional response, we have a thread that attaches to our emotional body,  if we had a strong mental response, we have a thread that attaches to our mental body.  

And sometimes we don’t know where or why the emotional injury exists – this might be a past life, suppressed or hidden event that you may never know the root cause -  

Sometimes it might not be the time to heal – maybe there is more to learn, or more to experience. 

How To Let Go Of The Past –  12

Feeling stuck in the past is pretty complicated. Feeling like you aren’t able to press forward and just let things be can be frustrated.  This in no way makes you weak.  It makes you aware.  It means you are driven to shift. 

I want to give you 8 ideas or practices to help you move forward from the past.   As humans we know that we never give up.  That we will try-try again.  And sometimes healing the past requires multiple cycles. 

The energy might feel sticky, and as time goes on, it feels undaunting and bleak.  Which leads me into the perfect item #1.  

1. Shift your thinking – Stop, limit and change self-talk about what you should have, could have, done.  Stop asking or looking for whose fault it is. Notice repeating thoughts.  These repeating thoughts are holding you where you are – think different. Do-different creating being different. 

Really focus on positive statements -  what you DID right?  What did you learn? What success you did have.  What you did survive.  Laugh where possible.  I know this sounds absurd and may not apply in all situations that it just isn’t appropriate to laugh – but if you are able to laugh at your actions, your decisions, find amusement in the moment it is easier to navigate. Chances are you been in serious lower vibration thinking for some time, so learning to elevate in a situation can bring new light to the experience.  Talk to the universe - thank you for helping me experience that, but please let that be the last time.  Bring something lighter, to me.  This also will help you process what you’ve experienced in a higher vibrational frequency.   

Maybe Create a positive mantra to counter the painful thoughts

How you talk to yourself can either move you forward or keep you stuck. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts. Instead of getting stuck in, “I can’t believe this happened to me!” try a positive mantra such as, “I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life — one that is good for me.”

2. Expand your understanding of yourself -   The answer to how to let go of the past and be happy lies in understanding yourself. Being someone who can’t let go of the past, it’s likely that you tend to be hard on yourself. You expect more from yourself and that’s why you feel guilty about making mistakes.   That needs healing.  You are not perfect, but neither is anyone else around you.  Honestly there is no perfect, there just IS – it’s your perception of perfection that gets us in trouble.   As you heal and understand yourself and be kinder to yourself you can look back on those points in your life, those decisions or actions – sure you can SEE the mistakes or the missteps – but can you also see the growth and what those actions provides as the person you have become.  Did you grow, change, and agree, had you known then what you know today, you’d have chosen differently?  You need to go easy on yourself and understand that you did the best you could within the limits that were imposed on you.”  

Do your own work - Focusing on yourself is important. You have to make the choice to address the hurt that you’ve experienced. When you think about a person who caused you pain, bring yourself back to the present. Then, focus on something that you’re grateful for.

Allow the negative emotions to flow out of you – allow yourself to heal and to feel better.  Growth is internal not external.  Healing allows you to see your life differently, and to make better decisions. You are the greatest healer with the power to heal yourself. 

3. Live in the moment - The past can be very gripping sometimes, and the future can be confusing or scary and unpredictable.   You are here at this moment, this time and perhaps there was a time that you never thought you’d get to this moment.  You might question how you got to this moment.  You are at the perfect place.   Not in the past and not in the future – only in this moment.  

The reality is where you are now.  Now take it even closer – internally -  pay attention to your breath, your heart beating.  Slow down your world to this second and embrace it.    Ask – what do I need at this moment.  A sip of water, food, to sit or stand or take a nap.  Do you need a hug, someone to lean on, quiet or noise.  What do you need right now – what are you most basic needs now.   Give your mind a break from the past and a break from the future – just be in this moment.  One-moment at a time. 

Practice mindfulness - The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, the less impact our past or future has on us.  When we start practicing being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives.

 4. Learn from the past – and learn FOR the future.   All experiences help us write our story.  We decide how we tell the story.  Was it a good experience or not.  Was it an adventure, or a learning experience.  Do we want that experience again, or are we done with it and will never do that again.   Experiences are how we learn. They are how we evolve, -   experiences are energy (good and not good) that we interact with – our energy bumping into that energy.   Use the experiences to set direction for the future.  Use experiences to heal the past, to continue to write the story that you want, or to modify it to be different.  

Learn new skills - challenge yourself to learn or try something new.  This teaches us to experience those butterfly feelings in our gut of being unsure, scare, challenged -  but then once we get past that, we gain more knowledge of ourselves, and the sureness within grows.  We can take on more challenges, we can be scared AND still do well.  

5. Meditation and visualization - If you’re struggling with how to let go of the past mistakes, you need to focus on what happened, who did what and when, the consequences. You might be fixated on emotions like anger, disappointment, hatred, and regret that came as a result of your actions.  That’s the gas that is feeding you.  You need better gas

The daily habit of meditation, where you are visualizing a new direction and moving through the events of the past allows you to see them in a different way – maybe with a different result, different outcome, a calmer more peaceful way.  We do learn about looking at and talking about our past – but without fixating on them- without getting stuck there – so visualization and meditation provides a way to look at the event and see it through in another way.  Visualize success, healing, a peaceful outcome.   

6. Feel it, heal it and remember it only as something that was - We are not saying forget it, but let the grasp of its hold on your go – forget THAT hold.   -  We, humans, are good at rationalizing. When we’re going through a rough patch, we tend to rely on logic to get a better grasp on the situation and shove the emotions aside. These emotions linger until they are acknowledged. Be it sadness, anger, despair, or even fear, your emotions need to be felt.

Over thinking is under feeling.  Logic can help you understand and justify your feelings but it will not make them go away. This is one of the reasons why your past might haunt you, your feelings haven’t gotten closure. Feel the emotions that bubble up to the surface when you think about the past.  

It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that you should distance yourself from the person or situation that is causing you to be upset.  Create a new routine,  new places or things that you enjoy.  Try Exercising, walking, journaling, yoga, meditation, singing, or dancing. Crying talking or laughing 

Be gentle with yourself If your first response to not being able to let go of a painful situation is to criticize yourself, it’s time to show yourself some kindness and compassion.  Give yourself time, and space and don’t give up.  Hurt is inevitable, and we may not be able to able to avoid pain; however, we can choose to treat ourselves kindly and lovingly when it comes.

7. Give back - Getting perspective when you’re at the center of the situation is hard. Because you are in the thick of it, you can never know for sure what needs to be done. Sometimes you bombard yourself with so many solutions that there is no way to choose one. Other times you might know the correct option, but you won’t have the courage to implement it. Either way, you’re stuck in your past error which makes moving on from it impossible.

The best way to gain perspective in a situation like this is by helping someone else who is going through something similar. When you help someone by giving them advice, you indirectly help yourself gain perspective on your own problem. Even if you’re not able to resolve your own past, solving theirs will help you gain closure. 

8. Get help - Sometimes we need to seek professional help. That might be the correct option for you. Years of repression can make thinking about the past very painful especially in the case of an abusive past.

Having a safe space where you can talk your problem through is very beneficial. You can seek out a qualified counselor or therapist who can help you gain a better understanding of your past.

With their training, they will be able to lead you in the right direction on how to let go and be happy again. Remember you are in the eye of the storm and if getting out requires help, then there is nothing wrong with that. 

 9. Engage in self-care - When we are hurting, it often feels like there is nothing but hurt. Practicing self-care can look like setting boundaries, saying no, doing the things that bring us joy and comfort, and listening to our own needs first. The more we can implement self-care into our daily lives, the more empowered we are. From that space, our hurts don’t feel as overwhelming.

10. Surround yourself with people who fill you up - This simple yet powerful tip can help carry you through a lot of hurt.

We can’t do life alone, and we can’t expect ourselves to get through our hurts alone.   Allowing ourselves to lean on loved ones and their support is such a wonderful way of not only limiting isolation but of reminding us of the good that is in our lives.

11 Give yourself permission to talk about it - When you’re dealing with painful feelings or a situation that hurt you, it’s important to give yourself permission to talk about it. Sometimes people can’t let go because they feel they aren’t allowed to talk about it. This may be because the people around them no longer want to hear about it or [the person is] embarrassed or ashamed to keep talking about it. But talking it out is important. Finding a friend or therapist who is patient and accepting as well as willing to be your sounding board.

Accept that the other person may not apologize - Waiting for an apology from the person who hurt you will slow down the process of letting go. If you’re experiencing hurt and pain, it’s important you take care of your own healing, which may mean accepting that the person who hurt you isn’t going to apologize.

 12  Give yourself permission to forgive - Since waiting for the other person to apologize can stall the process of letting go, you may have to work on your own forgiveness.  Forgiveness is vital to the healing process because it allows you to let go of anger, guilt, shame, sadness, or any other feeling you may be experiencing and move on.

One thing that connects us as human beings is our ability to feel pain. Whether that pain is physical or emotional, we all have experiences of being hurt. What separates us though, is how we deal with that pain.

Holding on to the past can be a conscious decision just like letting go and moving forward can be a conscious decision.  May the decision to move forward.   

Healers, helpers and protectors of the Universe may the vibration of peace, love, truth, hope and justice flow to all that are reaching out for help. Send courage, along with love, and prayers of hope and peace. We understand what impacts one, impacts all. 

I want to thank you for listening.  I’m Laurie Wondra – sending the energy of peace and love and joy out to you